🎄 How to Keep Your Relationship Strong Through the Holiday Season

From Surviving to Thriving:

How Couples Can Stay Connected Through the Holiday Season

The holidays are supposed to bring joy — but for many couples, they bring stress, exhaustion, and a silent wish for January to come faster.

Between family expectations, travel plans, and the pressure to “make it perfect,” connection can easily slip to the bottom of the list.

But what if this year, instead of just surviving the season, you and your partner could feel grounded, close, and even renewed?

Here’s how to prepare together — not just logistically, but emotionally — so that the holidays strengthen your relationship rather than strain it.

1. Start with Intention

Before the rush begins, pause together and ask:

• What do we each want from this holiday? (Peace? Fun? Togetherness?)

• What’s one word that captures our shared intention?

• One thing I’d love you to understand about what Christmas means to me is…

When you take the time to set a shared intention, you move from reacting to creating — from “we’re trying to get through this” to “we’re shaping this together.”

Maybe one of you dreams of cozy family time, while the other longs for calm and quiet. Understanding what matters most to each of you becomes your emotional compass when things get hectic.

2. Learn from the Past

Every couple has their “holiday triggers” — those people, topics, places or traditions that push old buttons. Take a gentle look back:

• What went well last year?

• What drained you?

• What would you like to do differently this time?

• How can we prepare for, avoid, or support each other through these triggers?

  
  

Maybe last year you stayed too long at a family dinner and ended up snappy with each other. This time, you could agree to leave earlier, take a walk mid-afternoon, or plan a quiet evening afterward.

And ask yourselves: What can we let go of this year — perfection, pressure, or guilt — to make more room for ease and connection?

(e.g., If you’re already running on empty and the holiday prep is draining every drop of your energy, maybe letting go of the plan to bake 100 homemade biscuits for your child’s school is a good place to start.)

3. Return to Where It Began

Holidays awaken childhood memories — the moments that made you light up, and the ones that left a mark. Invite a dialogue about those early experiences:

• What memories do we each carry from holidays growing up — the moments we loved, and the ones that were hard?

• How might those early experiences shape what we hope for (or avoid) now?

• What traditions or feelings from childhood do we want to bring forward, and which ones are we ready to leave behind?

  
  

Sometimes you’ll discover that one of you grew up with noisy gatherings and craves calm now, while the other misses that sense of energy and community. When you talk about where you came from, you see each other more clearly — and that clarity softens everything.

4. Protect Your Couple Bubble

The holidays can stretch your couple boundaries thin. Between family time, children, and social events, it’s easy to drift apart.

Think ahead:

• What visits or traditions feel essential — and what can we skip or shorten?

• How will we signal to each other if we need a break or support?

• What’s one way to protect “our couple bubble” within family time?

  
  

It could be a shared glance, a hand squeeze, a quiet inside cue that says, “I’ve got you.”

Your couple bubble isn’t selfish — it’s your oxygen. Protecting it helps you stay connected to each other, even in the middle of the noise.

5. Honour What This Year Holds

Not every season is light. Some carry loss, transition, or the ache of “firsts” — a first holiday without someone, or a year that changed everything.

Ask gently:

• What does this holiday season hold for us?

• What do we each need from one another as we move through it?

• How can we include remembrance or gentleness in our celebrations?

Even a small ritual — lighting a candle, naming a memory — can make grief part of connection rather than isolation.

6. Quiet Anchors

When life speeds up, it’s the small, repeated moments that hold you steady.

Commit to one quiet ritual that reminds you you’re a team — a morning coffee together, an evening walk, a short daily check-in, or a nightly moment of gratitude.

Simple, steady rituals become anchors in a busy season — touchpoints that whisper, “We’re okay.”

7. Keep It Real: Care for Yourself, Care for Us

You don’t have to be cheerful all the time. Real connection often happens in the messy, unfiltered moments. Give each other space to rest, to say no, to be human.

Schedule small pauses — even ten quiet minutes with tea can reset the day. Respect that you may recharge differently: one might need silence, the other a walk or music.

Be gentle with each other’s energy levels — not every moment has to sparkle.

Many couples push for the “perfect” holiday and end up exhausted. Instead, ask together: What will make this holiday feel “enough” for us — emotionally, financially, and relationally?

And when you feel the distance creeping in, try saying:

“Something that would help me feel close to you during the holidays is…”

Or share how you feel, try saying:

“When I think about Christmas with your family, I feel…”

It’s a small phrase, but it opens the door to closeness — and reminds you that the goal isn’t perfection, it’s connection.

When tension rises, use this Imago-style language:

“When you [specific behaviour]…, I feel [emotion]. What I’d love is [want/need].”

For example:

“When you scroll through your phone during dinner, I feel unseen. What I’d love is just ten minutes of eye contact and conversation.”

These small, specific requests invite closeness instead of conflict.

8. Spend with Meaning

Money stress can quietly erode connection. Agree on a realistic budget early, and share expectations so neither of you feels surprised or unheard.

Focus on experiences and gestures of meaning rather than perfection — a note tucked into a stocking, a playlist of shared songs, a homemade meal.

It’s rarely the price tag that makes something memorable — it’s the presence behind it.

9. End Each Day with Gratitude

Before bed, take a moment to name one thing you appreciated about each other that day.

“Thanks for keeping an eye on the baby during your family’s dinner.” or “I loved that you made space for us to have a quiet morning.”

Tiny acknowledgments build emotional safety and remind you that, beneath the chaos, you’re still a team.

10. Look Back to Move Forward

When the celebrations quiet down, take a moment together to look back:

• What felt meaningful?

• What small wins are worth celebrating?

• What felt stressful, and what could we do differently next year?

  
  

Reflection turns experience into wisdom — and helps you start the new year with more connection and less exhaustion.

🕊️ Final Thought

Every couple’s holiday tells a story. The question is — will it be one of tension and survival, or of connection and care?

You don’t have to get everything right. You just have to pause, talk, and remember: you’re on the same team.

Because thriving as a couple isn’t about having a perfect holiday — it’s about creating meaningful, grounding moments of togetherness, one conversation at a time.

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This article was written by Dr. Kalanit Ben-Ari, a psychologist, psychotherapist, trainer, and international speaker. With a doctorate in Psychology, Dr. Ben-Ari has over 25 years of experience in the field and currently runs a private clinic in Hampstead, London. She is also MAFS Israel expert, an author, speaker, and therapist supervisor, and served as the Chair of Imago Relationships Therapy UK from 2013 to 2023.

Dr. Ben-Ari leads The Association Hub, a vibrant community for therapists, and Awakening Love, an online course helping couples reconnect and grow together.